A&E. Anxiety & Exhaustion. 

These two words have been my week! As you may or may not know, I have battled (and won plenty of times) with anxiety for years now, most of the time it’s controlled and locked away so well I barely even face it, but the last week the silly thing decided to try and start a fight. For me, anxiety feels like a panic attack, I get a sick whirlwind feeling in my stomach & the thought of being alone freaks me out, therefore fuelling the anxiety. I get anxious about being anxious which makes me more anxious etc etc. Counselling has taught me to try control the thoughts and rationalise it, that’s worked well before but not last week. This time last week I was in tears asking my husband not to go to work because I couldn’t bear being alone again with the baby. This baby of ours which has been fighting sleep like crazy all week! Which brings me onto the E of exhaustion. 

Usually being a mum is just beyond all words, it gives me the most joy, it isn’t always glamorous or exciting, I’m no Tammy Hembrow that’s for sure, but I take pleasure in raising my daughter, day in, day out. However, I do not take pleasure in the way she has refused to sleep all week! To the point where she’d be crawling with her eyes closed because she was so tired. I do try to nap during the day, because otherwise I turn into a grinch of a wife, but I also have a tendency to feel overwhelmed by the to-do list in my brain, the washing, the cleaning, the cooking & all the other house things which I take pride in. So I struggle to rest during the day. 

A&E. My week. This isn’t a random ramble about my negative feelings but a reminder that we do not have to let them dictate our lives. I know first hand what it’s like to feel consumed by panic but just “get on with things”, it’s similar to having a banging headache but having to just act like it isn’t there. It’s brave and mature. Exhaustion on the other hand, can make you want to run far far away to a land of no babies or husbands or responsibilities and have a super snooze and return when you feel ready, but that’s not real life either. So I’m surviving, despite being super tired. 99% of the time. And I’m striving to do this with a smile on my face, because despite my recent visit to “A&E”, I want to live with joy, unstealable (deffo made that up) joy. 



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