Let’s talk about sex, baby.

How is it that even the word “sex” alone feels so controversial to blog about?

Last month, Aaron and I celebrated our one year anniversary wahey! (No this post is not heading where you may think don’t worry…) and over dinner we spoke about being engaged and now married and what we’ve learnt and one thing we’re really passionate about is the big lie about sex. We decided as a couple to wait for marriage to have sex, and both of us found this to be probably the biggest challenge being engaged. This may sound quite normal, it usually is the hardest form of temptation for a couple so in love, but now on the other side of the vows, this really bugs us both. Why is it that something which is now so normal was such a HUGE thing before?

We’re both convinced it’s because there’s a lot of myths concerning sex floating around. So if you’re engaged, or dating and have decided on celibacy until marriage, I urge you with all my heart to believe me when I say, most of what you’re feeling is just that; feelings. So please read carefully as I reveal my little truths about sex. 

MYTH NUMBER 1: “I CAN’T WAIT”. You know that I can’t contain myself, this is so hard, how many days left feeling? Yep. It’s not real. Trust me when I say, as soon as you’re “allowed” to do what you like, the urgency will leave. Well, it did for us. Contrary to the popular beliefs about wedding nights, when I think back to mine, what I treasure most is sitting on our bed like kids opening all our cards and presents and hoping we’d get enough money to have a blast on our honeymoon. I’m convinced that whole feeling of not being able to wait is simply fuelled with lust, it’s the fact that you just want something so badly that patience goes out of the window, and if love is patient… you do the math (said in an American accent of course). It’s not love if you can’t be patient. Sorry to break it to you.

IMG_3673MYTH NUMBER 2: “NEWLYWEDS HAVE SEX 24/7”. Maybe for some, this is true? For us, as said above, as soon as we were good to go, we just weren’t that fussed. Sure, I won’t get into the nitty gritty of it; our marriage was consummated, but being able to go on holiday together was like a dream! We didn’t spend all day in bed with rose petals and champagne, we were riding around the Bahamas on a moped and drinking unlimited root beer on our cruise. Not to mention napping! We did a LOT of napping! So when we got back, the sex jokes began. Every time I was late anywhere or didn’t answer my phone it obviously meant we had to be having sex. The pressure on newlyweds to have sex all the time is awful, we both felt like there must be something wrong because we weren’t at it all day. There’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t want to have sex 24/7 and nothing wrong if you do ha, it’s no one’s business except your spouse’s, run at your own pace.

MYTH NUMBER 3: “MEN WANT SEX MORE THAN WOMEN AND WOMEN HAVE TO MEET THIS NEED”. You are not statistics, you are humans. Your needs will differ when you’re tired, when you’re stress, when you’re busy, when you’re happy, when you’re relaxed. So it really bugs me that 90% (my own made up statistic) of sex articles online are about women who feel their husband wants too much sex and they don’t want to meet this demand. If you’re a lady who finds you want to have sex more than your man, what then? Are you abnormal? Are you unattractive to him? Is he abnormal? Is he unwell? Hahaaaa. No, no, no. As above ^ you just cannot compare your private life to anyone else’s, especially not something you’re reading online. You’re two individuals, and that means things will be perfectly unique between you. Chill out, you’re probably just fine.

MYTH NUMBER 4: “SEX IS THE ICING ON THE CAKE”  One thing I totally disagree with, is that sex is the best part of marriage, or even “the icing on the cake”, the part that makes marriage even better! Cheesy, I know, but I prefer to see it as an ingredient to the cake rather than the icing, like vanilla essence or eggs, or flour, or an ingredient that just holds the cake together, hmmm. It’s so much more than just a pleasurable thing, its essential in being close and a special bond created by God for two to share. That being said, it’s SO not the greatest thing in the world, trust me. My love language is totally physical affection, but even still, there’s nothing like laughing together, worshipping together, being silly together, dreaming big together or better yet, raising a child together. There’s so much more to marriage than sex, and in all honesty, you’ll probably find its a very small percentage of your marriage that you are having it.

So there you have it, my four little myths on sex. I really pray this sinks in and resonates with someone, empowering them to fight for purity, gives someone
a ‘real’ view of sex or just takes the pressure of a newlywed.

Lots of love

Jen

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