I’m overjoyed to have my husband back home, things have instantly gone back to ‘normal’, or the ‘normal’ I think I prefer and my mornings of waking up alone are temporarily over. So I’m a happy lady!
One thing I’d been pondering over whilst Aaron was away was the purpose of our marriage; it can sound somewhat pressuring, like “oh lets just enjoy being young and married!” or “we’ve only just gotten married, we have time”, but I am definitely the type of person who needs to know the why behind the what.
Being married has shown me how drastically different and almost easy dating is, it requires little sacrifice, a temporary commitment (nobody needs to go to court to break up with their boyfriend!) and in many ways you still live very individual lives, as you should. This isn’t to sound all high and mighty now I’ve got the ring, looking down on all dating peasants and patronising their love lives, not at all, it just never dawned on me until recently how different it would be; and its made me ask this question over and over, what is the purpose of our marriage?!
As a full time Youth and Schools worker, my days can be varied, which works well being married to a musician who’s life is also a bit all over the place at times; I really did think evenings would = home, dinner, talk, tv, bed. I could probably count the days that’s happened in the last two months, our lives hardly seem to overlap at all! So this question of purpose kept ringing in my mind!
1. Do I quit my job, find a music related career and follow Aaron on tours?
2. Does he use all his free time to volunteer at my work place to help with the youth group?
3. Do we start a business together?
4. Do I join the worship team so we can serve together?
5. Does he start blogging alongside me so we can eventually write a book together?
It really does sound silly, but I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how I fitted into Aaron’s life, or how he fitted into mine, and when the answers you’re finding aren’t positive it can be tempting to go off into an emotional spiral of WHAT IS THE POINT OF THIS?! Even praying about it didn’t feel like it was helping! I think that was God’s way of telling me to chill out.
Then one day last week; a thought came to me; love. If we can love each other passionately, outrageously and entirely selflessly, that is the FIRST and number one purpose for us! And as simple as it may seem; that really resonated with me, it was a mutual interest, passion and aim; to constantly compete to out-love one another, so that we can be an example of a happy, Christ-centred marriage, that is the goal.
So that’s our latest challenge. The competitor in me wants to actually draw up a score-board and award points for how much we love each other, you know like 1 point for washing the dishes, 3 points for a love-note….yeah, that would probably be a bit much.
I’ll hide our scoreboard when guests come round.
I hope this helps, especially engaged people, but anyone really. Don’t stress over having a mutual purpose; God will reveal all in His perfect timing, in the meantime, get active in loving one another. I shall blog soon about date nights, romance and extravagant love displays to give you some inspiration!