The worst thing about marriage.

Today my husband is leaving me. Again. Okay, maybe not so dramatically as that’s written but having a musician as a husband has its perks, but also can be tough on my little heart. πŸ˜£πŸ’”

Contrary to stereotypical beliefs, the amount of time my husband and I spend together varies like crazy. Last week he was home pretty much every evening and this week he’s been getting in at 11:30pm each night (I have to be up at 6:30 😴). So the worst thing about marriage, in my experience; time.
Living in London, life is so fast paced and crazy that making time for one another is hard enough without adding in the factor of clashing schedules. (Anyone who is married and works nightshifts comment below- how do you do it!?)
I know I’m not the first or last in my situation, but knowing other women deal with the same thing doesn’t make it much easier! Here’s a few things I’ve put together to keep myself sane to help anyone who might have to battle through a temporary LDR, or just who might be not getting as much time with their love as they’d like.

1. Expectations: This is where I fail. Sometimes I think I’m still in denial about Aaron’s career, either that or I haven’t quite come to terms with what kind of commitment it demands. But I’ve gotta be realistic, making up a fairytale scenario that my husband has come home two days early and filled our home with rose petals, chocolate and flowers, ready to give me hours of undivided attention… Well that’s gonna hit hard when I turn my key and enter an empty flat. The mind can be hyper-romantic and very dangerous, so to expect your partner to have been thinking of you all day, planning romantic extravagant gestures may sometimes lead to more harm than good. Plus- it leaves no room for surprise! (I am awful at being surprised. I always guess.) This doesn’t mean expect nothing of your partner in a negative way, just be realistic.

2. Make the most of what you do have: ergh. Another one I hate. I can be such a sulker and often I sulk about the fact I only get a 5 minute call, rather than being glad of a call at all! But it’s about having that mentality, that whatever time you do get is precious, and that means being selfless. When Aaron has been working for 12 hours and comes home, do you think he wants to have deep discussions about every detail of my day? No, he wants to play football manager. Eat food. Sleep. But we’re learning that a sacrifice of marriage is that if you can only spare a little bit of time here and there, the loving thing to do is to give that over to your spouse. And if they’re in the same mood, often it will result in a win-win compromise; playing football manager together? I don’t know about that actually. Never mind. The point is learning to value every minute spare, be creative in how you communicate and go to extreme lengths to maximise that quality time. For me, this means meeting Aaron after rehearsals, so the journey home doubles up as QT.

3. Stay busy:
Read a book, see a friend, watch a movie, join a gym, paint a picture, create a world out of playdough, experiment with meals, just keep it moving! There’s nothing worse than lying in bed whimpering to myself that Aaron isn’t home. Especially if it’s like 7pm, why am I even in bed!? One thing I like to do, is work on things I can show/give to him when he’s back, sort of like a child drawing their parents pictures to stick on the fridge. Trust me, our house looks like there’s a 5 year old living there with all the drawings stuck around. But it works for me. Also, being honest with friends helps too, yes, you will get the occasional “oh so now your husband is away you want to hang out”, but a good friend will get it, and be round with popcorn, chocolate and a movie. Simple.

So wish me luck, pray for me, feel free to even check up on me (would love that!) as I apply these three points over the next few days.

Lots of love
J x

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5 thoughts on “The worst thing about marriage.

  1. Emma O'Gorman says:

    I feel like you’re writing about me.. I get so sad when my other half is travelling and playing shows and I’m stuck at home.. I’ll try you tips. I feel a little like you’ve read my mind!

    Like

    • jenforbesjohn says:

      Aww, its definitely a tough one! Im learning! Where are you based Emma? Im trying to get a network of musicians wives together as a support group- it can be so tough! Also- check out roadwidows.com its a super helpful blog! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  2. mamasmith3 says:

    I know how you feel. My husband isn’t a musician, but his job isn’t unpredictable. He can leave at 11am or 3am… And work 16 hour shifts sometimes and still have to leave again at 4am the next morning….. And we have triplet babies.. So the moping and sulking I understand. But as you said it’s all a mindset. I had to change the way I thought. He is out there providing for his family, like God has asked him to so I had to be more understanding, rather then upset that he isn’t around as much.

    One thing we do is plan date night and family day around his schedule… It doesn’t happen often but gives me something to look forward to. I don’t know if that would help you in anyway?

    Stay strong. You’re not alone. Keep praying. God is in control x

    Like

    • jenforbesjohn says:

      Thank you so much mamasmith3! Well havent you gone and put my problems into perspective haha. That sounds like serious work!
      Planning date nights is something we did more before we were married, its gotten so hard when we’re so busy, but youve given me a reminder of how important it is πŸ™‚
      I shall mention to hubby! Thank you lots for your comment and kind words x

      Liked by 1 person

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